I recently read a quote from Studs Terkel that perfectly sums up my life lately…
“To survive the day is triumph enough for the walking wounded among the great many of us.”
For those of you who don’t know the details (which would be most people), I’ve been in the land of the walking wounded for the better part of six months.
My degenerative disc condition has made an unwelcome appearance in the top of my spine, manifesting itself in three herniated discs in my neck that are impinging the blood flow to my brain, causing pain and headaches – all day, every day.
It hurts to talk and it hurts to think (which is pretty much how I make a living). And it has, of late, kept me largely confined to a five mile radius of my house.
My focus each day has simply been to survive. And really, that’s an awful way to live your life.
So, tomorrow I am having surgery…and it’s a doozy. It’s a decision I have not made lightly or without first trying about a dozen other options.
The surgery is a cervical fusion (No, I’m not talking about my lady parts, but the cervical vertebrae – that’s what the parts of your spine are called way up top). Basically, the neurosurgeon will be fusing the discs in my neck via a hole he’ll cut in my throat.
Because he will be moving things around near my voice box and working very closely to my brain, there is a chance that this surgery could have some consequences for my public speaking career and my life. But at this point, that’s really all out of my hands.
I’ve gone through this before (a lumbar fusion — a much more brutal procedure — in 2007) so I know the drill. But that doesn’t make having surgery any less unpleasant.
However, I also know that a little pain isn’t going stop me from doing anything in life.
I plan to be back in action soon, doing what I love. (Just don’t be surprised to see me rocking a series of turtlenecks while I’m doing it). In the meantime, my fabulous colleague, Kary, will be holding down the fort.
I’m not so naive as to think this whole situation is under my control, though. So…
- If you’re the praying kind, I’d appreciate your prayers.
- If you’re the new-agey kind, I’d appreciate you sending some good energy my way.
- If you’re the voodoo-in kind, I’d appreciate you er… chanting over a chicken for me or whatever else it is that voodoo people do.
Thanks. See you soon.
You rock my world in so many ways, Jenn. Always have. Always will. I don’t want to say tripe like “if there’s anyone who’ll get through this, you will.”, but it kinda fits here. Except that it’s still tripe. Suffice it to say, you are the kind of patient that I would like to work with, if I were a doctor. You are matter of fact. You tell it like it is, and you see it for what it is. Sometimes that sucks. Like you said, you’ve done this before, but that doesn’t always mean it’s the same thing.
I don’t imagine you aren’t afraid, but I can’t imagine you not looking whatever is making you feel that way straight in the eye and giving it the finger, either. Like you said, a little pain isn’t going to stop you from doing anything. Good luck. You’ve got a great doctor, even though I don’t know who it is, I know you wouldn’t pick anyone – well, anyway. No matter what happens, fact is that you rock. Love.
Dude. You’re going to make me cry. 🙂 Thanks for your kind words. I am big fan of yours as well, you know (who knew that that guy from college would turn out to be like super Dad???).
Just for you, I will try to capture a pic in the hospital of me giving the bird, cause yeah, that’s kind of my approach to adversity (the Dalia Lama, I am not 🙂 I do have a great doctor. He’s super chill. (There were lava lamps all over his office. Very un-neurosurgeon). It won’t be a fun time, but I will most likely have some good stories to tell (I’ve got some super entertaining ones from the last surgery). I don’t particularly feel like I rock, but it’s nice to hear, regardless. Extra juice for the mojo is always a good thing when you’ve got to ride out the suck. XXOO.
Dang. Hope it all goes smoothly.
Keep us posted on how it all turns out, yeah? When you are mended properly, lunch is on me.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must find a chicken.
As always, artfully and wittily put, Mr. Forry. And yes, lunch, for sure.
Oh, and go easy on that chicken, will you? Otherwise I’ll have PETA riding my gimpy ass for sure 🙂
Best of luck to you, Jen! My dad has had to have a couple of spinal surgeries like this due to degenerative and herniated disks, and it certainly isn’t an easy recovery process. (But you already know that, because you’re super smart.) Sending lots of prayers and well wishes your way!
Thanks so much Amanda. I hope your dad is feeling better.
Jenn, wishing you all the best with your surgery.
Thank you Nora! Hope all is well with you.
Will definitely be sending LOTS of new-agey thoughts your way, Jen! Best of luck in surgery and recovery and look forward to seeing you back on your feet (literally and figuratively) VERY soon!
Thanks Amanda. Perhaps Jim Morrison will be there in spirit to lend me some of his mojo 🙂
Well, as it turns out, I am the praying kind, so I will make sure to irritate the man upstairs with all that praying.
Also, I think we live in the same ‘hood, as we sometimes frequent the same Caribou on Cedar, so I would LOVE to bring you coffee treats once in awhile, if you’d allow and are up for it.
Irritate away! Indeed that is my Caribou (every time I check in there on Four Square I am reminded of what an active patron I am — it’s in my 5 mile radius, you see 🙂 Would love to visit when I’m back in action.
We’ll be sending prayers your way.
Best of luck,
-Paul
Thank so much, Paul.
Thinking about you, Jen. You’re an amazing person. Hugs.
Well you’re pretty stinkin amazing yourself, Mr. Wilson. Thanks for the virtual hugs.
You already know all this, because I’ve already said it all in person …(or at least I think I have) but since writing and reading is reassuring, I will put it again here:
* I applaud you for being the worlds’ most impressively dedicated patient through the past 6 months as you explored literally every other nonsurgical option. You are making this decision with your head AND your heart. You are doing exactly the right thing for your quality of life, and I applaud you.
* Your theatre background will serve you well here: ACT fearless and healthy, and fearless and healthy you will become.
* Your attitude is an inspiration to all of us. even on the worst pain days, you bring an A game that puts most of us to shame. Thank you for being a kick-ass inspiration.
* You’re not flying solo here: In addition to your Heroic Husband, Champion Child and legions of adoring fans, I’m here for moral support, stupid errand running, comic relief, or just holder of yardstick straws as we sit in the sunshine sipping throat-healing liquids.
* On the plus side, forever more you will have an awesome punchline about a vampire that got a little frisky with your neckly regions.
You will not be silenced or immobile for long, my friend. Your spirit is far too fiesty, and your determination far too deeply ingrained.
Hugs and prayers and chicken chants and all meditations for healing coming your way. See ya soon!
I swear, if I make it through this, I’m gonna contact the makers of those straws and see if I can be their spokesperson. No one who’s flat on their back should be denied the luxury of cocktail hour. Those are an amazing invention. 🙂
Thanks for all the good juju, love and support, darlin. The fates were looking out for me when they plopped you there across the street 🙂
Jen, so sorry to hear about this! You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers for a safe and speedy recovery. Just know that God has a plan for you and whatever the outcome is, there’s always a reason.
Sending love,
Beth
Thanks for your kind words, Beth.
Jen,
A good friend of mine often says, “I will keep my metaphysical fingers crossed for you.”
I think it is applicable.
Jason
Jennifer,
I’ve got you covered too in the prayer & meditation department!
Have someone keep us posted please.
Thanks!
K
I second the “YOU ROCK!!” comment…
Also third it, fourth it…..
Best wishes always,
Kay
I second the “YOU ROCK!!” comment…
Also, third it….fourth it…..
Best wishes always,
Kay
Jen,
Although we may have not had many (or any) conversations in the past, I wish you well and hope that you make a swift recovery.
You’ll do great!
@kareemy
Jen, you are in my prayers.
Hi Jennifer,
I stumbled across your post through a twitter and want to offer a word of support. I chose a fusion 10 years ago to escape years of severe pain (very difficult choice, like you say) and I eventually found a huge amount of relief. I wish the same for you. I can empathize with all the fear, anxiety… and hope for relief.
I wish you strength and a very successful surgery!
I was forwarded your news by the other Jen, Jen. Prayers all around.
Good luck Jenn. We are thinking of you and know you are going to come out of this even more of a dynamo. Can hardly wait to see and hear the next Ignite. Best wishes.
Lots and lots of love and strength to you all, Jenn! I’m glad I stumbled upon the news – will send all of my Unitarian-style prayers your way!
Kary filled me in on what was going down on the spinal front. I swear to God and on a chicken I will never complain about Anything. Ever. Again. If men get medals of valor, seriously there must be something out there fitting for your courage and spirit. Whether you like it or not, peeps are going to be inspired by you. Just wait. Oh, I think Oprah’s on the line…
God speed, Jen. The smallest of consolations about your situation is it is fast approaching sweater weather. I certainly hope the voice returns and soon. The world has not heard enough of you, yet.
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